identity last night for an event hosted by Common Ground. Photo by Shelly Caruso.
Students had the opportunity to learn about the gender spectrum during a presentation by Jacob Tobia, a comedian LGBTQ+ advocate and author. Tobia recounted the ups and downs of their personal journey with their identity as a way of tackling the nuances of gender.
Tobia started off their story with an incident from their childhood in which their mother forbade them from dressing up as Pocahontas for Halloween.
“She asked me if I could be one of the other characters from the movie, with the implication that I should be a boy character,” Tobia said. “And my first reaction was, ‘That’s stupid because all the other characters suck. I’m not going to be John Smith. You’d rather me be a colonist than a woman?’ Jokes aside though, that moment has really stuck with me because it was one of the first moments I walked out onto a limb and it just broke underneath.”
After the Halloween incident and numerous moments similar to it, Tobia said they stopped experimenting with their gender for a while, doing their best to conform in middle school and high school. This changed after they attended a workshop headed by Terri Pheonix, the Director of the LGBTQ+ Center at UNC-Chapel Hill.
“Terri used the pronoun ‘they,’ which was new to me, and talked about how gender was something they played with like a game,” Tobia said. “Terri said some days they felt more masculine while other days they felt more feminine, and that’s OK, and that’s part of the fun. And I had never thought of gender as something fun before.”
After the workshop, Tobia bought some heels, wearing them secretly at home after their parents went to sleep.
“Just sitting in those shoes, which I now realize were too small for me, was so empowering because I finally felt a little bit like myself in my home,” Tobia said. “And I wish I could show myself then who I am now – show them that they’re not just going to wear heels and their mother’s lipstick once, but they’re gonna wear a gown at a fancy dinner, and they’re gonna turn heads. Tell them, ‘Embrace this faster, don’t be afraid of it; love it.’”
When Tobia finished telling their story, they lectured on some of the basics of gender theory and offered up metaphors the audience could use to educate their communities. senior English major Mason O’Hern said they really liked Tobia’s metaphors about the gender.
“They talked about how right now there are only two islands: one for men and one for women,” O’Hern said. “And as a result everybody in between is adrift and in danger.”
Bradley students were not the only one impacted by Tobia’s story. The event was also attended by Illinois State Students, members of the greater Peoria community and members of Peoria Pride, a local LGBTQ organization.
“One of the things that stuck with me is this idea that you can set your own rules when it comes to pronouns and different spaces and your identity,” Peoria Pride Director Marcus Fogliano said. “I’m hoping to start up a job at an elementary school, and I’ve started thinking about how to explain to kindergartners that I’m not a he or a she.”
Tobia concluded their talk by encouraging people to play with their gender.
“Keep exploring who you are and create a space where other people can explore who they are too,” Tobia said. “Even if you’re not super into lipstick or bow ties, trying them out might create a safe space for someone in your community who really needs it.”
