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My mission: destigmatizing mental illness

Lately, I have been on a mission — one that is fairly unknown to the people around me. It has become something that I try to slip into conversation to make it known to my family and friends.

That mission is destigmatizing mental illness — specifically, my own.

When I was in eighth grade, I remember chatting away with my middle school friends about the impending change in our lives: high school. The thought of a new school and new opportunities excited me, but every so often, a feeling of unease would spread in the pit of my stomach.

When I made it to high school, I hoped my fears would simmer down as I got comfortable, but it only worsened. I spent so much of my time in agonizing over the littlest details. If I got a “B” on a paper, I scolded myself for not getting an “A.” Further, I was paranoid over the idea that everyone secretly hated me.

In addition to that, I developed a phobia of vomit from an incident in middle school. I was so paranoid that, if someone coughed in class, I had to repeatedly ask if they were OK. Constant thoughts ran through my mind about why I was the only one struggling with anxiety and why I couldn’t be like everyone else.

Eventually, I told my mom about my severe anxiety, and we headed to the doctor to figure out a solution. I hoped to get medication because my mind was so tired from constantly fighting to function normally. The doctor told me my best shot was therapy, and I burst into tears at the thought of having to continue to fight.

Soon after, I was set up with a therapist. I worked hard to cope with my anxiety through my therapist’s guidance. I only told my close friends because I was afraid of what everyone might think if they found out. I struggled after getting therapy, but instead of losing control of my thoughts, I roped myself back in.

My struggles continue. There are days when my mind shuts down from stress and my paranoia comes up again. But now I know my mind well enough to know to hold back and take life one step at a time.

So, the reason I came up with my secret mission is because I know not everyone understands what it’s like to have a mental illness. Everyone experiences them individually, and even if two people have the same mental illness, it can manifest differently in each person.

Despite that, I want to help others to not feel ashamed of having a mental illness and how having a mental illness does not define a person. My anxiety is something I never asked for, but I’m dealing with it, and I want others to know that they don’t have to deal with their mental illnesses alone.

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