Tis the season where it’s safe to get drunk on holiday spirit and decorate every square inch of your house without the threat of angry neighbor kids lobbing their old Jack-O-Lanterns at your front door.
This also means that it is impossible to go to any store anywhere without hearing the same old, boring, redundant, mind numbing Christmas songs that play all December long.
It would be nice to be able to buy a loaf of bread and some waffles at the local five-and-dime without having to listen to Michael Bublé or Mariah Carey vomit out a sappy mess of generic festive hoo-hah. I would rather be trampled by a rabid stampede of crazed caribou than listen to “Grandma Got Ran Over by a Reindeer” again.
Fed up with the state of contemporary popular Christmas music, I decided to take a trip up to the North Pole and speak with the big man himself.
Luckily, I was able to meet up with Santa Claus for a short interview. He didn’t reveal much about what goes on behind the scenes this time of year; however, he did hint at some exciting Christmas music news.
“This holiday season, [I’m] laying down tasty grooves under the tree and dropping phat beats down the chimney,” Claus said.
On my way out of the workshop, I found a crumpled up piece of paper that had ‘Santa’s Jams’ written on the top. As I straightened out the paper, I found a list of ten of the funkiest, grooviest, hall deckin’-est, jingle bell jinglin’-est, get on the dance floor and deck the hallin’-est, dancetastic Christmas jams.
I must have been a good boy this year, because Christmas came early, and all I want to do is spread this sweet, sweet, booty shakin’ joy.
Here it is, folks: 10 funky, Santa Claus-approved Christmas jams.
The Soul Saints Orchestra – “Santa’s Got A Bag Of Soul”
Milly & Silly – “Getting Down for Xmas”
Gent & Jawns – “Turn Up Ye Merry Gentlemen”
Snoop Doggy Dogg – “Santa Claus Goes Straight To The Ghetto”
Stevie Wonder & Wyclef Jean – “Merry Christmas, Baby”
CeeLo Green – “This Christmas”
Ying Yang Twins – “deck da club”
The Jive Turkeys – “Get Down Santa”
Bootsy Collins feat. Snoop Dogg – “Happy Holidaze”
Kurtis Blow – “Christmas Rappin’”
Put on your best dancing stockings, everybody. This is going to be a funky holiday season.
