I think we can all agree that clowns are just creepy, but when you add chasing down children with their worst fears and hiding in the sewer, it makes it even worse. Pennywise the Dancing Clown is the antagonist in this years remake of It and is one of the scariest clowns in pop culture history. Its deeply unsettling that he hides in sewers to appear charming to children, but here are some things Pennywise can say to tempt any college student to jump right in:
1. Ill pay your college loans.
College is expensive. Soon after graduation, the impending doom of debt hits loan victims hard. Slowly but surely, the bills you owe to your school or the government start to trickle in, and your bank account experiences some damage right before your eyes. If I knew my college loans would be paid for, Id spend some time with Pennywise.
2. I have unlimited coffee.
Just when you think you cant handle a couple more hours of studying, you realize caffeine was invented for a reason. Youd also no longer need to spend money on the absurdly priced grande iced caramel macchiato. It would all be on Pennywises tab.
3. I have free food.
All the chips, pizza, chicken nuggets and candy you would ever want, for free. Youd be crazy not to go for that spooky good deal.
4. Ill make sure you get your dream job after college.
No matter what age you are, securing a job after college is always in the back of your mind. You spend your whole college career working towards a degree, and guaranteeing your dream job would take a huge weight off your shoulders.
5. Ill get your classes cancelled.
Theres nothing better than receiving an email of a class cancellation you know your day is made. A surprise like that is a college students dream. So Pennywise, if youll promise my 8 a.m. is cancelled, Ill take it.