Extra! Inane inventions send society spiraling!

The history books are always quick to mention the inventions that improved our lives forever. The telephone, the Internet, the game of basketball and more made positive changes to our lives. What you don’t read much about are the inventions that struck society like a plague. Whether it’s MySpace, boring sports, dumb toys or video games you can play at your house, not all creativity is good creativity.

Besides terrorism and fast food restaurants, few things come to mind as being worse for America than MySpace. It serves as a “social network” where self-absorbed, brooding teens and creepy adults can get together and look at one another’s “artistic” photos shot in front of a mirror. It breeds arrogance, stalking, lusting and bad reality TV. Worst of all, it gives Pete Wentz a place to pretend he’s well-liked. And NOTHING should ever do that.

It’s OK to admit you’re jealous of Gary Dahl, inventor of the pet rock. You can’t take anything away from Gary. 

However, every shred of legitimacy can be stripped from anyone who decided to buy a pebble with googly eyes glued to it. Even more ridiculous was the crate the rock came in and “care instructions” for your new pet. Strangely enough, the fad died out quickly after a short run in the ‘70s. But I hear a “Pet Piece of S***” is slated for a 2009 release…so stay tuned lonely people.

Inventing football, basketball, baseball, hockey and other popular sports must have been a titanic challenge for their creators. The same can’t be said about NASCAR. 

Will Ferrell and John C. Reilly justifiably mocked the sport in “Talladega Nights.” Sadly, the movie put the sport into a better light than it deserves. 

NASCAR features thousands of drunken men and women, probably wearing full outfits made of denim, screaming incoherently at a circle of cars. The only thing that manages to drown them out – the soothing noise of oversized engines.

November 29, 1972. Recognize the date? That was the dreary day “Pong” was released. 

Its popularity soared as kids and adults were able to take the fun and stimulation of an arcade into their living rooms. Unfortunately, no one predicted a simple game of virtual ping-pong would mark the beginning of the subculture known as “gamers.” 

We now have home videogame consoles to blame for thousands of pasty white, blobaic shut-ins. The arcade is a concept of the past. You have to go outside to get there, see other people (maybe girls!) and your mom can’t bring you pizza rolls. 

Thanks, home video game consoles!

For whatever reason, real people saw commercials for a toy called Furby and said to themselves, “That looks like something I would like.” What is there to like exactly? 

Well, if you’re insane, you’d likely enjoy the inane electronic comments Furby makes every ten seconds. Perhaps you’d enjoy Furby’s inability to turn off and its illogical need to be fed. 

Having only suffered one encounter with a Furby, I can’t say I know it well. But, honestly, who wants a gremlin-looking chatterbox for a toy?