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Police report stars are comical, but lack foresight

College students are often pegged as hot messes.

They say we rage our worries away, we go broke spending what we don’t have and we take advantage of the gift of education by skipping class and cheating on tests.

There are so many students at Bradley that make me proud to be a Brave and a college student, so it always rubs me the wrong way when I hear someone ranting about this sort of thing.

But then there are trolls. And you Bradley trolls are the reason that The Scout’s inside cover is filled with police reports every week that we could not have possibly made up if we tried.

Take last week’s police reports, for instance. Please, explain to me, why on earth you become so belligerently drunk that you punch a house? I’m just curious. I mean, perhaps that’s a typical response, but I can’t say

it’s the first thing that comes to my mind.

Or why did your common sense abandon you when you were running around with a barricade, honestly believing that no one would see? Neon orange and white do not blend very nicely with the night sky, but please, carry on.

Or let’s talk about why you decided to urinate in the middle of the road and then hand your brother’s ID to the officer thinking that he wouldn’t notice? Pure genius. Two thumbs up and a blue ribbon for you.

I mean, I’m all for “living the dream” in college but what exactly is your game plan here? Maybe I just missed the bandwagon and failed to see how stealing four rolls of toilet paper from the Student Center is something that should be tacked on to my bucket list. I don’t know. That’s probably my bad. Take your four rolls. Better yet, take five.

Now, I am aware that I am being extremely sarcastic, but can we all just take five minutes to assess the peasantry of these police reports?

These “culprits” should be praising Jesus, Allah, Moses, Jo Jo and whomever else they can come up with that their name is not printed in these briefs. I personally, would love to keep tabs on whoever is written up the most and then present them with a dunce cap at the end of the school year.

Forget resumes, the dean’s list and championships – you need to get a story in the police reports. That is the true measure of your life’s accomplishments. Proceed.

Bottom line: It’s a good laugh, I just feel like life choices need to be reassessed here. It’s college – enjoy, live the dream, have some fun. Just try to hold it together.

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