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Spare me your ‘25 things’ on Facebook

After flipping through TIME magazine for about an hour trying think of things to write my column on, I stumbled on something golden.
It was an article in which a columnist wrote about the “25 things” notes on Facebook. She went through a few notes and chose a couple that were especially interesting.
So I decided to look at some of my friends’ profiles to see how their notes stacked up to the ones mentioned in the TIME article.
Surprisingly enough, my friends write about things just as pointless.
For instance, did you know that this girl I work with likes to listen to the “Phantom of the Opera?” Or how about that guy I took an English class with a few years ago who has food allergies?
Did you know about the friend of a friend who loves the way her cat smells?
I didn’t know any of those things before I read my friends’ “25 things” notes on Facebook.
The notes have become a phenomenon on the site, despite their uselessness and frivolousness.
It’s like a virus that can’t be stopped, but instead of being infectious it’s just annoying.
Why would anyone take the time to come up with 25 random, pointless things about themselves? Why would anyone think that anyone else would care?
The short answer to that question is that people love to talk about themselves. What others don’t realize is that nobody likes to read about other people.
Unless they’re really interesting or something. I would read a “25 things” note about Mohandas Ghandi or Martin Luther King Jr.
It would be interesting to know if they wore boxers or briefs or if they had nicknames for their cars.
But I don’t care about how my friend’s freshman year roommate lost her virginity or the future career goals of that random girl I occasionally run into on the weekends.
I could care less about the nervous ticks of some girl I went to high school with.
So I decided to write a list of 25 things I wish I didn’t know about my Facebook friends.
1. I cannot sing to save my life.
2. My oral fixation is chewing on my shirt sleeve cuffs.
3. I am very, very, very ticklish. Everywhere. It’s bad.
4. I already hate myself for writing this.
5. I was born in a maternity room that my mom shared with another woman. The other woman’s son was born really big, and I was born really tiny. The nurses nicknamed us Moose and Peanut. I was Peanut.
6. Cerulean blue is my favorite color.
7. I cry a lot. Even for a girl. It’s something I’ve accepted.
8. I chew on all my pen caps and pencils.
9. I have a gecko named Geico, and I love him.
10. I have a need to be needed.
11. I am pretty good at hiding how drunk I am.
12. I actually really have to pee.
13. I really like windows. I don’t think I have seasonal affective disorder or anything like that, I just feel that windows are an important part of my home.
14. I’m procrastinating right now.
15. I have my British tea almost every day. It makes me feel more British.
16. I have been a vegetarian for a decade.
17. I only like eating with a teaspoon (as opposed to a tablespoon).
18. I am a self-taught tambourinist.
19. Naps give me headaches.
20. My car is named Daisy, and she is the most fabulous car you will ever meet.
21. Buy me ice cream and we will seriously be best friends forever.
22. Subway is so good. I eat it way too often.
23. I vow to wear nothing but brightly colored tracksuits once I reach 70.
24. I cannot stand wet paper towels and moist towelettes.
25. I have recently become adept at making peanut butter milk shakes.
And here’s something you probably wish you didn’t know about me: I think writing 25 useless facts about yourself on Facebook is stupid.
Go read a book or something.
Sarah Raidbard is an English and Spanish major from Skokie. She is the Scout editor-in-chief.
Direct questions, comments and other responses to sraidbard@mail.bradley.edu
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