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Dispatch from Instant View Purgatory: Big Money Rustlas

Services like Netflix and YouTube have made the most recent films readily available to anyone. Can we find anything of value in the muck of b-movies, ambitious failures and exploitative crap-fests? We’re going to find out in Dispatches from Instant View Purgatory.

What’re we watching: “Big Money Rustlas,” a gangster western from Violent J and Shaggy-2-Dope of Insane Clown Posse.

What does it look like: When I was taking melatonin as a sleep aid, I once had a dream that Daffy Duck had chainsaws for nipples and was chasing me while Natalie Imbruglia sang her hit single “Torn.” This movie is infinitely crazier than that.

What’s going on: In this deep meditation on violence, two men must discover who they truly are in a world that doesn’t accept their identities. Actually, Violent J and Shaggy-2-Dope mostly just shoot things and degrade women. Dustin Diamond also takes a dump at one point.

Why haven’t we heard of this: Do you enjoy the taste of Faygo, degrading every woman you come across, think the word “anus” is intrinsically funny or think there aren’t enough mentally handicapped assassins in direct to DVD western films? If any of these things are true, this might be the movie for you. You should also jump off a cliff.

What works: There are burlap bags with dollar signs on them. There’s also a snaggle-toothed midget who bakes a pie.

What doesn’t: The whole thing looks like it was filmed in someone’s backyard and the costuming looks like it’s from a state-fair old time photo booth. Also, everything in this movie, from the acting to homophobic, sexist and inane dialogue is offensive to me as a human being who likes things.

Skip to: There’s an old man who shoots lasers out of his eyes and blows up a portable toilet about halfway through. I spent a lot of time after that wondering if people could tell if the stars were wearing clown makeup or not. The word “chili” is said a lot of times as well, and I like chili, so that’s something to look forward to.

The Verdict: I am now a Juggalo.

What’s coming up next: I try to regain my sanity with “Four Lions,” a cheery little 2010 comedy about kids training to become suicide bombers.


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