Press "Enter" to skip to content

Getting crunk with the clan

With Family Weekend upon us, confrontation is bound to happen and a few tussles are inevitable. The most surefire way to diminish the tension in the air is to add booze. Nothing takes the edge off quite like a strong cocktail.

Within family units, different members tend to stick to one type of alcohol. In a very trite fashion, heres a run-down of the type of relatives you may encounter.


The Wine Mom:

It’s time to gather around for a night of Bunco at Kathy’s house, and indiscretions are welcome. Gossip runs amok about everything from the new B.S. school party dietary restrictions to the ruckus the high school kids got into last weekend. I impatiently yearn for the day when I can complain about the cleaning lady with my girlfriends over a glass (bottle) of wine.


The Vodka Uncle:

My uncle is now only referred to as drunkle due to his ability to down a fifth of vodka within an hour timespan without any needed recovery time the next morning. They’re ruthless and stone-cold bad asses, willing to do just about anything to prove their manhood.


The hipster beer-drinking cousin:

Sorry, bro, we don’t have PBR at the tailgate, but maybe you can find your IPA of choice down on the riverfront. Sure, they don’t go hard, but at least they’re refined.


The Tequila aunt:

I dare you to find someone more rip-roaring and ready to go for a night on the town than your aunt. It’s hard to tell if they’re reliving their glory years or making up for lost time, but its always a party when she’s buying shots of Jose Cuervo.


Honorable mentions go to Smirnoff Ice/Busch Lite-drinking high school siblings and Manhattan-drinking grandparents.

Copyright © 2018 The Scout, Bradley University. All rights reserved.