There is room for debate on where the poof actually came from. Some say it started way back in the days of good old “let them eat cake” Marie Antoniette, while others say Cleopatra had a full team of slaves to tease her hair before a smush session with Mark Anthony. I remember my sister showing me the basics of poofing one’s ponytail when I was but a wee middle schooler, but I know it never got the mainstream attention it has now before “Jersey Shore.” The moment Snooki walked in with a poof of hair extensions that could hide a small dog, all eyes were on the sky high hair. It ignited an all out war between the Jersey girls and the Southern girls, as everyone knows the ladies down south tease their hair like no one’s business. Teasing is nothing compared to the mountain on top of Snooki’s head, however, and the Jersey girls went ahead and claimed victory for that. Now there’s a wig for it, so anyone can rock that particular style choice.
Basically the most memorable phrase to come out of “Jersey Shore,” or any reality show ever. GTL is the cardinal rule of the Guido. Gym, tan, laundry. All day, every day. That’s what you do before you go out. You have to hit the gym and tan if you want to live up to your full guido potential. Then you have to do your laundry because apparently, in the Shore, one gets one’s entire wardrobe dirty overnight. It is Jersey… so I can’t say I’m all that surprised. GTL became an overnight phenomenon and is now just common lingo.
Everyone knew this was how it worked, but no one had ever actually thought to make it a song. You can’t wear your going out clothes until it’s time to go out in Guido world. You can’t drink bright red Ron Ron juice in the fresh white Ed Hardy T-shirt you’re about to wear to a club full of sweaty spray tanned girls, so you rock the tank top until it’s T-Shirt time, so you can go out looking like a bronze star. And sing about it.
Who knew there was such a complicated war room strategy for bringing home attractive females. In one of the most subjectifying sexist lines of the show, we all learned that an unattractive woman is called a grenade, and her larger friend is dubbed a grenade launcher. Once these terms came out, the Shore house became a battlefield, with everyone trying to stay away from the grenade. While it was awful, it was also kind of funny to see the boys play keep away, and ultimately end up with some major land mines.
There are so many more lines and moments that are forever burned into our heads, but just not enough time. Let’s just enjoy the last season of madness until the naked girls clear out of the hot tub, the vodka runs out, someone gets put away for a felony for more than two hours and the last cabs are here. See you at Karma!