It comes in different shapes and forms. For me, it has been a huge monkey on my back. Some days I will look at my computer screen while doing homework and start thinking sporadically. Then, I start to shake. I close my eyes and tears roll down my cheeks. I tell myself, “You are going to fail,” repeatedly. I break down, confused and not knowing what to do.
Unfortunately, this is not an uncommon occurrence.
Anxiety cripples me in times of high stress, when things are just downright awful and even when things are going great. I cannot sit still, thinking about what might come next or what challenges lie ahead, making me think of the absolute worst outcomes.
I have always pushed these feelings out of my head, thinking they would go away. I was wrong. The anxiety just kept bubbling up quietly, going unnoticed for a time, until it would burst like an active volcano.
This year, specifically, I have learned that this is not a healthy way of dealing with my anxiety. I have sought help from a psychiatrist, family members and close friends. Implementing this type of help has been a huge boost for my mental health.
I have learned that I cannot beat myself up for things that are out of my control. I have to give myself more credit for what I have accomplished instead of kicking myself in the head for other achievements I have not yet attained. I am slowly learning to love myself for who I am and not for what I lack.
Mr. Rogers, iconic children’s television host, put it best when he said, “There’s no person in the whole world like you and I like you just the way you are.”
The moral of my story is that it is okay to seek help for mental health problems. There is so much stigma behind anxiety and other mental health issues that people are too afraid to speak up. No one is alone. There are more people out there going through mental health issues than most individuals think about. As a male, I am supposed to be tight lipped and undisturbed by most issues, refusing to seek help.
I think we need to break down these preconceived notions and tell all people, not just men, that it is okay to talk about mental health and that it is normal. If I, a mostly defensive individual, can make that first step to seek help, I am confident others can do the same. All it takes is a phone call, a text or even an email to a trusted friend: “I need you.” We all need help sometimes, and there is no shame in asking for it.
