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Breaking: Fraternity throws wild, massive darty

Graphic by Sarah Irwin

Note: This article is a part of the April Fools’ Day edition, The Scoop, and is not meant to be taken seriously.

On March 25, Fredonia Avenue was filled with the sound of Sigma Epsilon Chi brothers and their fans partying like there was no tomorrow for the fraternity’s famous “All Night Longer” darty.

For those who are not familiar with this specific day party – or darty – it is filled with keg stands and chugging races, playing King of the Hill on the roof of the house and, of course, the worst pick-up lines known to man.

Typically, the darty lasts from 10 a.m. to 3 a.m., when the 20th keg is finished and the fraternity president needs to sleep after a long day of making sure everyone is drinking and having fun.

The Scoop was lucky enough to be on the list to attend and speak with members of the fraternity and partygoers of this year’s insane darty. 

One of the biggest parts of the darty is the famous keg stand race. Those participating attempt to outlast the person next to them in chugging beer straight out of the keg. This time, however, things went terribly wrong.

Vice President of Sigma Epsilon Chi and keg race champion, Darin Corona, broke his hand after his brothers dropped him on the keg after they were asked to go to McDonald’s.

“My hand hurts,” Corona said. “All of the brothers involved are getting fined for this assault against the office.”

The brothers that dropped him have since been fined $20 million for their actions.

That was the only thing that went wrong during the darty, aside from a couple making out on every single beer die table when others were supposed to take their turn in the game.

At 1 p.m. members gathered to play a giant game of King of the Hill while everyone else watched. The game involves participants gathering on the roof of the house and battling each other to see who could push the rest off the roof.

“It was really funny seeing a bunch of frat guys try and act tough,” attendee Stephanie McChicken said. “I once bumped into one of them during their ‘No Hands’ rager and he cried because I accidentally spilled his cup of Natty Light.”

Fraternity member Doug Slayer had finally won after he pushed member Tim Den off the roof while the distracted Den flirted with a girl on the ground.

“I ended up getting the number of the girl that Den was talking to with my rizz and my win,” Slayer said.

Pick-up lines said by the brothers of Sigma Epsilon Chi were also a fan favorite. Per the tradition, the partygoers compile their favorite ones and frame them to give to the fraternity to replace the composite that gets stolen at every party.

“I remember one guy asked me if I wanted to see the x-ray for his torn ACL,” Vera Lem said. “I did not want to see it but he showed it to me anyway, then I threw up on him.”

Many people have said that this year’s darty was one of the fraternity’s best and that they can’t wait until next year where they will play the game “Rattlin’ Bog” in which brothers aim to finish each of the 20 kegs that the fraternity purchases. 

“I better see every brother participating,” Corona said. “I don’t care if you ‘don’t drink’ you either chug that beer or you are dropped.”

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