Press "Enter" to skip to content

Tears for gears: Bradley Botz achieve historic upset

Graphic by Audrey Garcia

Note: This article is a part of the April Fools’ Day edition, The Scoop, and is not meant to be taken seriously.

Fans at the Renaissance Coliseum Thursday night witnessed the greatest upset in Robot Fighting League (RFL) history, as a chaotic end resulted in multiple ejections after a heated affair.

“Was it electric? It was crazy, there’s always drama at something like this, and this year, it was extra spicy,” senior engine engineering major Marke Kabel said.

At the 10th Annual Central Illinois and International Robot Fighting League and Association Intercollegiate Invitational Open Challenge (CIIRFLAIIO), the 15th-seed Bradley Botz defeated the first-seed Pensacola Pelicans in overtime.

Barely squeezing into the 64-team pot, the Botz used an unconventional method to build their champion, Stahl. Constructed out of spare parts with an old telephone as a heart, the Botz didn’t think they stood a chance against the multibillion-dollar behemoths they were up against.

“It was held together by a piece of bubble gum and a wish, and now we’re here,” Kabel said.

After cruising past the initial stages of the Scorched Earth obstacle course, the Botz felt the wear and tear of such a demanding competition, with Stahl getting caught in the mud trap on the third challenge.

“I really thought it was over for a second,” junior handler Steve Kretskort said. “That’s when I reached into my pocket and took out an old friend.” 

Kretskort’s old friend? Duct tape. 

“I don’t know how many rolls of tape I went through, but it was a lot,” Kretskort said. “I feel like we should be sponsored at this point.” 

All taped up and back in action, the Botz made their way through the course, expertly navigating between the stagnant water slides and various tunnels filled with jagged rocks and soil. 

“We’ve never competed on a course like that and it made it difficult for us,” Kretskort said. “The undulations of the playing field really messed with us.” 

As the Botz kept pushing teams out the door, they made it to the final match of the tournament, and that’s when things were turned upside down.

“Those Pelicans knocked us out last season really early so we knew we had to get them back,” Kabel said. “I just kept telling the guys, ‘We gotta keep our eyes on the prize.’” 

In the final shoots and ladders cage match, Bradley defeated the Pelicans with a narrow escape and punch in the final seconds of action. However, the Pelicans believed the Botz used an illegal maneuver. 

“I didn’t really know what was going on but I was told to just keep filming,” Dana Doen, CIIRFLAIIO camerawoman, said. “As a former coconut vendor, this sort of drama doesn’t surprise me.” 

As both benches cleared and heated discussions rose, players from both sides were ejected. During the confrontation, the game was called in Bradley’s favor, making this one of the biggest upsets in RFL history. Even still, Kabel admits they didn’t win all their battles.

“Stahl is in pretty bad shape, but I think with a Duct Tape-N.I.L. sponsorship we should be able to immortalize our friend, our brother,” Kabel said.

With their heads held high and tears in their eyes, the Bradley Botz won it all, cementing their legacy as one of the greatest teams in history.

Be First to Comment

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Copyright © 2023, The Scout, Bradley University. All rights reserved.
The Scout is published by members of the student body of Bradley University. Opinions expressed do not necessarily reflect those of the University.