The end of my four years at Bradley is finally approaching. These years would be best described through the words of author Charles Dickens: “It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.”
In the beginning, I came in as a wide-eyed kid looking to be a smashing success. I put myself 100 percent into schoolwork, Greek life and being of service to almost anyone I considered to be a friend at the time. I was doing so many things, but I had no idea what direction I wanted to go.
I would soon realize that I was burning the candle at both ends; I was trying to be everything to everybody.
As sophomore year rolled around, it all came to a head. I was inviting negativity from others into my life, letting them determine my self-worth. I dealt with this by avoiding responsibilities and going out every weekend to excess while playing immature games with myself and the people I cared about. I was in a state of self-pity and utter confusion about who I was and who I wanted to become. This vicious cycle continued into my junior year.
Then, COVID-19 happened, forcing me, as it did with everyone across the globe, to be with myself, void of all the distractions that kept me from doing so. One day, the truth finally hit me and hit hard. I can still remember the feeling of disappointment wash over as I was looking in the mirror, knowing that was not me. That was not the person I knew I was inside. It made me cry.
I was blaming others for my unhappiness, when deep down I knew that it all stemmed from the choices I was making in my life. I had to change my attitude, habits and people whom I was giving unnecessary time and effort towards. Once I swallowed that hard pill, everything became so much clearer.
As this unprecedented senior year occurred, I finally felt like me again. I stopped beating myself up for past mistakes, and learned that one person’s view of me did not dictate my self-worth. I also realized that success is defined on my own terms and not anyone else’s. I made the most of this year that would not have been possible if it had not been for that rough one-and-a-half-year period. I failed a lot, but I learned some meaningful lessons from each failure that will stick with me for the rest of my life.
If I could go back in time to my freshman year in 2017, I would give that young kid a big bear hug and tell him this: “All the pain and challenges ahead will not end you. It will create new chapters in your life that are going to make you wiser, kinder and stronger.”
It has been one heck of a journey these past four years and I would not change one thing about it, from the stuffy University Hall dorm room my freshman year to my turbulent sophomore and junior years, to the wonderful professors at the Slane College, to my rowdy Sigma Chi brothers and my lovingly dysfunctional Scout family. It has all made me who I am today and I am forever grateful for it all.
While I will miss everyone and everything at Bradley, I am looking forward to the new chapter ahead. Thank you for everything.
