Grief changed me.
Grief is something absolutely nobody can understand unless they have personally experienced it. Sometimes even those who have experienced grief don’t fully understand it.
That’s where I stand today.
It’s been about seven months since my childhood best friend took his own life. People love to say, “I’m here if you need anything,” or “it’ll get easier, just give it time.” The truth is, it never truly gets easier. Grief isn’t easy, and it never will be. All you can do is learn how to cope with it in healthy ways.
But coping with grief isn’t that simple, either.
I’m still not sure I even know how to take my own advice on the matter. It’s hard to make good, healthy decisions when your mind is constantly clouded with thoughts of the past or questions of “what if?”
When you’re struck with grief, it’s almost like a rollercoaster with so many ups and downs, twists and turns. It really takes a toll on you. It’s weird; sometimes you will be doing great and think you have it all figured out. Then, you hear their favorite song or see something that reminds you of them, and it all comes back to you.
My grief is something I will be stuck with for the rest of my life. It’s not something you can only experience once; it’s a complex journey of healing that comes in waves.
Honestly, that’s the worst part.
Grief can strike at any moment for no apparent reason. Whether I’m sitting at home, giving a presentation, driving or anything in between, it hits without discrimination.
I find myself thinking, “I wish this feeling would go away.” I’ve had to learn the hard way that it won’t ever go away. I can only learn to manage. At this point, I’d do anything to have a quiet mind.
In such a hard time in my life, one thing that keeps me going is the knowledge that my friend would want me to do great things and carry on with my life. The other would be sharing his story with anyone willing to listen.
It might be a weird concept, but that’s my favorite part of grief: being able to share someone’s story, hoping to inspire others and make a difference in their lives.
That’s all I want: for someone to ask about who he was. He deserves to be remembered.
I also want others to hear this story and understand that grief is difficult, yes. Everything will change, but it’s up to you to take that change and make something good out of it. Don’t be afraid to share your and your loved one’s stories.
Trust me, they would be proud.
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