Season seven of “Bachelor in Paradise” came to a close on Tuesday night, and I don’t think I have ever rolled my eyes further back or audibly grunted in disgust more than I did in those three hours of TV (only about two hours on Hulu with limited ads).
This was my first experience watching “Bachelor in Paradise,” and I had a difficult time getting through the terrible acting, forced conversations and artificial romance. It’s hard to believe some of these couples are still engaged or dating after the show has ended, since there may have only been 20 minutes worth of genuine, heartfelt discussion in the 11 episodes.
The only reason I stuck with it was because of Kenny, since I know him outside of the show. He manages a band I see frequently, and his home base is at a club/sports bar in my hometown. I wouldn’t say I’m proud to share this, but am doing so in the effort of full disclosure.
NOTE: Spoilers for season seven ahead.
Kenny did not have an issue with the concept of disclosure, as he showed up to the beach fully naked and stripped on more than one occasion during the season. At least when he was underwear modeling, he was still wearing underwear. Was the nudity necessary? No, but it got him Mari.
The couple started talking the first day and had their ups and downs throughout the season. From miscommunication and Hurricane Demi, to eating tacos off of each other and a visit from a spiritualist, Kenny and Mari “fell in love.”
Mari and Kenny solidified their relationship after Kenny went on a date with Tia (which only served as another opportunity for him to get naked) and ended things with Demi.
Despite the 15-year age gap, Kenny and Mari ended their run on the show engaged.
Although they were the first to get engaged in paradise, they weren’t the last. Joe and Serena also ended the drama-filled season with a ring.
After dealing with residual feelings for his ex, Kendall, Joe was able to move on and find something special with Serena. It was nerve-wracking when Kendall showed up on the beach to create drama, both earlier in the season and right before Joe popped the question.
Serena and Joe (named prom queen and king at the Paradise prom) are still happily engaged, and it’s not nauseating to think they might actually be a cute couple in the real world.
Finally, Maurissa and Riley also left Paradise engaged. This couple was an easy one to root for as they were able to have fun, honest conversations despite all the craziness around the beach.
The only thing about their relationship that made me want to puke was when they licked whipped cream off of each other, specifically when Maurissa put Riley’s toe full of whipped cream in her mouth. Disgusting.
The engaged couples were not the only ones to leave Paradise together. In a hilarious turn of events, James and Aaron walked on the beach together and left in the same car. This bromance may even last longer than the show’s romantic relationships since the two guys are currently roommates, according to the montage shown after the engagements.
One couple I thought would actually make it to the Fantasy Suites was Noah and Abigail, but they broke things off after the Paradise Prom. However, this all could have been a show for another 30 minutes of drama. It was announced that Noah and Abigail started dating again after the show when they realized they missed each other.
Similarly, Thomas and Becca got back together off-screen after Becca broke things off before the Fantasy Suites.
Overall, this season of “Bachelor in Paradise” was full of miscommunication, creative editing and questionable personalities. My first time watching the series will be my last, but happy viewing to those that watch it for more than background noise or in support of someone you know from your hometown.
Fans of Bachelor Nation will not need to wait long for more “reality” TV, as Bradley alumna Michelle Young starts her run as the Bachelorette on Oct. 19.