Negotiating the isolating atmosphere of Valentine’s Day as an aromatic
By Cassie Maxwell - News Editor on February 14, 2025
Graphic by Audrey Garcia
Being aromantic is a spectrum. Some people experience no romantic attraction whatsoever, while others only experience it when certain requirements are met. Either way, it’s difficult to celebrate a holiday dedicated to romance when everyone else seems to experience it differently than you do.
Even for those not on the aromantic spectrum, Valentine’s Day can feel like a capitalistic slog. Really, why does everything in February have to be red, pink and heart-shaped? Do you need to buy flowers and chocolates just to show someone you care about them?
If you’re anything like me and thought that Bo Burnham saying, “If you want love, just pick a girl and love her” was genuinely how crushes worked, Valentine’s Day might go as far as feeling horrid.
After all, it’s a holiday that puts romantic love on a pedestal. Sure, you can argue Thanksgiving or even “Galentine’s Day” is supposed to fill the platonic appreciation void, but Galentine’s Day doesn’t fill the shelves, and anything Thanksgiving-themed at Walmart is almost certainly not dedicated to the ‘thanks’ in its name.
Maybe Valentine’s Day wouldn’t be that bad if only one aspect of Western culture enforced this romantic over platonic mindset, but there’s so much more. Even platonic terms are named after romantic ones. Hanging out with friends is a “playdate” and the relationship between two male best friends is often called a “bromance.”
In a world where romantic love is valued so much more than platonic, how can the day that embodies that standard not be isolating for aromantics? It spurs this giant swirl of questions: “Will my friends ever love me as much as they love their romantic partners?” “Am I incapable of love?” “Is there something wrong with me?”
Of course, the answers to these questions are “If you find the right people,” “Probably not, and if you are, that’s okay” and “Absolutely, but it’s certainly not related to your sexuality,” respectively. Still, it’s concerning that a holiday brings up these questions at all. Instead, for my fellow isolated aromantics, let’s ask a question we can control the answer to: what do we do?
Above all else, while cliché, it’s important to take care of yourself. Eat some food, take a shower or put on a funny outfit – just try not fall to the dreadful grasp of a commercialized holiday. Do whatever is needed to get through this, whether that is reaching out to friends and family or self-isolating until the holiday is over.
If platonic love can be just as powerful as romantic love, so can self-love. Self-worth is not defined by other people’s love, so take the time to prove it.
Secondly, if corporations are trying to take advantage of your love, take advantage of those corporations. Get those heavily discounted chocolates after the holiday ends. Take those free items people randomly pass out on Valentine’s Day. Just because you’re not participating in the holiday conventionally doesn’t mean you don’t get to participate at all.
Valentine’s Day can trigger feelings of shame and isolation, so for the aromantics out there, you’re not broken. You don’t need to be fixed. Your love is not inadequate.
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Negotiating the isolating atmosphere of Valentine’s Day as an aromatic
Being aromantic is a spectrum. Some people experience no romantic attraction whatsoever, while others only experience it when certain requirements are met. Either way, it’s difficult to celebrate a holiday dedicated to romance when everyone else seems to experience it differently than you do.
Even for those not on the aromantic spectrum, Valentine’s Day can feel like a capitalistic slog. Really, why does everything in February have to be red, pink and heart-shaped? Do you need to buy flowers and chocolates just to show someone you care about them?
If you’re anything like me and thought that Bo Burnham saying, “If you want love, just pick a girl and love her” was genuinely how crushes worked, Valentine’s Day might go as far as feeling horrid.
After all, it’s a holiday that puts romantic love on a pedestal. Sure, you can argue Thanksgiving or even “Galentine’s Day” is supposed to fill the platonic appreciation void, but Galentine’s Day doesn’t fill the shelves, and anything Thanksgiving-themed at Walmart is almost certainly not dedicated to the ‘thanks’ in its name.
Maybe Valentine’s Day wouldn’t be that bad if only one aspect of Western culture enforced this romantic over platonic mindset, but there’s so much more. Even platonic terms are named after romantic ones. Hanging out with friends is a “playdate” and the relationship between two male best friends is often called a “bromance.”
In a world where romantic love is valued so much more than platonic, how can the day that embodies that standard not be isolating for aromantics? It spurs this giant swirl of questions: “Will my friends ever love me as much as they love their romantic partners?” “Am I incapable of love?” “Is there something wrong with me?”
Of course, the answers to these questions are “If you find the right people,” “Probably not, and if you are, that’s okay” and “Absolutely, but it’s certainly not related to your sexuality,” respectively. Still, it’s concerning that a holiday brings up these questions at all. Instead, for my fellow isolated aromantics, let’s ask a question we can control the answer to: what do we do?
Above all else, while cliché, it’s important to take care of yourself. Eat some food, take a shower or put on a funny outfit – just try not fall to the dreadful grasp of a commercialized holiday. Do whatever is needed to get through this, whether that is reaching out to friends and family or self-isolating until the holiday is over.
If platonic love can be just as powerful as romantic love, so can self-love. Self-worth is not defined by other people’s love, so take the time to prove it.
Secondly, if corporations are trying to take advantage of your love, take advantage of those corporations. Get those heavily discounted chocolates after the holiday ends. Take those free items people randomly pass out on Valentine’s Day. Just because you’re not participating in the holiday conventionally doesn’t mean you don’t get to participate at all.
Valentine’s Day can trigger feelings of shame and isolation, so for the aromantics out there, you’re not broken. You don’t need to be fixed. Your love is not inadequate.