Note: This article is a part of the April Fools’ Day edition, The Scoop, and is not meant to be taken seriously.
Last week, Bradley Scoop Editor-in-Chief Tangerine Smellzher announced on Twitter that this semester would be the last for Bradley’s oldest student organization.
Many were left in confusion: What led to this point? While some blamed COVID-19, a lack of funding or a lack of student participation, the real culprit is the nefarious social media platform where users can post “news” in real time: Yik Yak.
Although Yik Yak is by no means a new application, it returned to the Apple App Store at the beginning of the school year. While some took to the app to bash on the Sigma Chi and Delta Upsilon fraternities, some real news slowly slipped through the cracks.
This became especially salient after news of the “Piss Bandit” broke … or spilled. Within hours, Yik Yakers had identified the situation, the cause, the implications and potential culprits.
“Yik Yak just has far too many reporters; we simply can’t keep up,” Herman Gutierrez, verified Twitter journalist, said.
Indeed, The Scoop frequently “breaks” news hours or days after its announcement on the app.
“No one wants to read old news,” Smellzher said. “As student journalists, we simply cannot keep up with the speed of Yik Yak. We even stopped using reliable sources. We’ve been publishing hearsay for months with virtually no repercussions.”
The numbers have shown this as well. The Scoop averages one reader a week: your mom.
The app also has the Scoop beat in one other meaningful way: its colorful language. In a Scoop article, you cannot say, “What the actual ****, Danny. Are you ******* ******** me, you ****** ******* *****. I will ******* **** you. ****** **** ******* *** ********** ******* ****** ***** **** **** *** ******* *******. Seriously.” However, Yik Yak has very loose community guidelines.
“It’s definitely devastating to see,” Smellzher said “We tried so hard and got so far, but in the end, it doesn’t even matter.”
While The Bradley Scoop’s website will remain online and in archives for posterity’s sake, no new content will be released after April 29.
