Maybe doing this in the form of a column is cowardice. Perhaps it’s a bold act because what I say next is immortalized in a published text and no longer lives in private conversations or accounts that only a few of my friends know about.
You can either say I’m late for Celebrate Bisexual Visibility Day on Sept. 23 or early for Coming Out Day on Oct. 11. I, however, pick today to say I am bisexual.
Yes, you read that right, I am bisexual.
This realization came to me later in life, but I haven’t been a stranger to the LGBTQ community.
When I was five, my mom met someone who was fun, smart, goofy and would eventually become a part of my life for about nine years. She was my stepmom. She pushed me to be the best I could be, and I still call her my stepmom out of love and respect even after their breakup.
Still, our family wasn’t accepting right away, and I wasn’t spared in hearing homophobic comments.
“Isn’t it weird how your mom liked men and now she says she’s a lesbian?” “What do you mean she still likes Johnny Depp? She needs to decide, either she likes men or women.” “She shouldn’t be exposing you to all those gay people, and she definitely shouldn’t be taking you to Pride.”
I had no issue with people who liked boys and/or girls. I had no issues with people who wore drag — I was even featured in a Pride pamphlet with drag queens dressed to the nines that towered over me in their glittery heels. I had no problem with people who changed their gender. Instead, I had an issue with myself.
I didn’t argue with the biphobic comments, partially due to the fact I avoid conflict, but because it would force me to re-examine my own identity. I now believe that, if I had once stood up for my mom when people made comments behind her back, I wouldn’t have had biphobia toward myself.
Years of hearing “pick a side” subliminally led me to do so. Eventually, I felt like I had to. My boy-crazy phases (including, but not limited to, One Direction, Big Time Rush and Alex Turner) was evidence to me that I was straight, but something wasn’t sitting right.
It wasn’t until I had drama with a girl I knew that the whole dilemma made me stop and think about how I was feeling. We stopped being close friends and I was devastated, but not in a way that I’ve been before when I broke off other friendships. Looking back, I can see I had a crush on her and was actually heartbroken.
Even though I was able to work out my feelings about that situation, I dismissed it because I was afraid of family resentment. I knew I could easily hide from my bisexuality, which is what I’ve been doing this entire time.
The love of my life is a man named Ralph and we’ve been together for four years. He’s been very supportive of me as I came to terms with who I am early in our relationship. He even beat himself up when he realized he never took me out to dinner for my “first” Pride Month after I came out to him.
Since he’s been my first and only partner, people might be confused on how I know I’m bisexual even without even being romantic with a woman. Let me explain further:
I like women and men — I even shared about my unexpected crush. I am not going to “prove it” to anyone as I don’t owe them that satisfaction. Creeps.
Since I grew up with two maternal figures, I’m probably an anti-same-sex-couples-adoption nightmare since I’m not straight. They did expose me to LGBTQ topics, but that ignorance is overlooking a few details. First off, I am my own person and not my mother’s clone — although sometimes our looks say otherwise. Second, she’s the blueprint of strength, honesty and acceptance; I’m just trying to follow those fundamentals.
I’m coming out here to be open with who I am and I’m at a point where I don’t need acceptance of my sexuality. It may hurt or sting at first, but I know who can and who already supports me. Not only that, but I hope any family members and friends will know that I’m here to return the support as well.
I’ve been growing to love all parts of me and it’s not going to stop.
My hope is that my story touches others with their own uncertainty or they can find comfort with similar experiences. I wish that they’ll live their truths eventually, even if it takes years for minutes after this article for things to finally fall in place.
