As I started to explore the option of going to college, I was constantly fed propaganda about what life in college should look like: you’ll always be surrounded by friends – studying together, eating together and going out together.
It’s not abnormal for young people to feel unsure about who they are and who they want to be, and that’s okay. When college is portrayed as an everlasting social environment, that’s the model students often follow. Why wouldn’t they, when the alternative is to be identified as a recluse or antisocial personality?
Being alone is associated with loneliness; in reality, there is a stark difference between the two. Loneliness is an emotion, which is very different from the state of being alone.
So, I often find myself alone but not lonely.
Many people are uncomfortable when they are truly alone with no distractions, physical company or social media. Some think this is a product of human nature, while others believe it is a lack of self-love. I agree with the latter.
Years ago, specifically before I transitioned, I could not stand the stillness of my own company. I was always watching YouTube, playing music or using television as background noise. It’s true that I could not stand to be with myself. As I accepted my feelings and became more and more comfortable in my skin, the silence became pleasant.
Alongside my personal development, I became much more secure in my relationships. COVID-19 revealed who my real friends are, and they are the people I trust the most. I stopped worrying about who liked me and cared more about whether I liked myself.
In this newfound solitude, I noticed other changes. I had a lot more emotional energy, likely because I wasn’t being constantly drained by my peers. I could focus on my goals and not worry about others’ expectations of me. Best of all, I could feel my own thoughts and emotions because there was no one around to interject.
A lot of growth happened once I became satisfied being on my own. I developed a great sense of self and contentment with my life.
No matter whether you prefer to be alone or surrounded by those that make you happy, take some “you time” once in a while. Some of the most valuable growth you can experience is by yourself.
If you do feel lonely, it’s ok to phone a friend, a partner or your mom; they would love to talk.
