Note: This article is a part of the April Fool’s Day edition, The Scoop, and is not meant to be taken seriously.
In an unexpected announcement made by the Bradley University administration this week, the campus’s squirrels as part of the student body.
According to the administration, it is a “long overdue acknowledgement of academia participation,” with the university issuing student ID cards to the squirrels commonly seen on campus, lingering around the student dorms and participating in lectures.
Initial reports on the matter claimed several squirrels are already being issued student IDs, with most of them still deciding their respective majors. The exception, however, is the economics major squirrel who has been seen hoarding the study rooms in the BECC all year.
Bradley University initiated the recognition of the campus squirrels as part of the student body after the faculty members observed the pattern of attendance of the squirrels.
“At first, we thought they were just squirrels looking for food,” one professor said. “But then they started showing up to every 9 a.m. lecture and staying the entire time. We knew we had some committed students.”
The campus security has also been instructed not to question squirrels with ID cards, many of whom carry theirs on tiny lanyards or acorn-shaped badges.
The Williams Dining Hall has adapted to these changes, with Bradley expanding meal plans to now include dropped granola bars, unattended sandwiches and large portions of trail mix.
Students have mixed reactions to their new classmates. Some say the squirrels add school spirit, while others are concerned there might not be a fair way to grade participation.
“If a squirrel can sit through class and get participation points for being cute, I feel like I deserve extra credit as well,” said one junior.
The campus squirrels appear to be continuing their undercover approach to campus life.
Many still pretend to be typical Bradley University wildlife, casually running across the quad or climbing trees between classes. University officials believe this behavior helps them blend in and maintain normalcy amongst their marsupial peers.
When asked for a comment, one squirrel declined to speak but was later seen scarfing down pizza crust outside the Student Center, reinforcing statements that they are rather enthusiastic about being fed.
As the program rolls out, Bradley’s administration encourages students to treat their squirrel peers with respect and, if possible, snacks.
