If there is one trait that I realized about myself in college, it is that I have been a people pleaser.
I would always try and find a way for people to like me, and if they did not, I would take it personally. I never felt like I had to be a showman and jump up and down saying, “Hey, look at me! Please tell me I’m your friend and that you like me.”
No, I was quite the opposite.
I would be very quiet and let people make their noise and sit in the back, not making a peep. By not voicing my opinions or telling others how I felt, I knew that most people would not have a problem with me. However, through doing this, I figured out my inaction was just as disliked as if I had tried to be the center of attention.
I would remember crying because a friend of mine would get pissed at me for something that I did or did not do. I would try and make it up, but, alas, it would not work out as successfully as I had hoped for. I had to hit rock bottom to realize this was the case.
For those of you who do not know me, during my freshman and sophomore year, I was in a mad rush to do all that I could, literally having no regard for my own mental and sometimes physical health. I was trying to do everything in my fraternity, work for The Scout, try to achieve the best grades and still be a good family man. I would always try and fix others’ problems before my own, but by doing that it took an extensive mental toll on me, too.
This all came to a head in February of 2019 when I passed out from exhaustion in The Scout’s office. It was a scary moment, and one that made me wake up for once. I wasn’t taking care of myself, and by doing that, I was being selfish. If I was not truly at my best, then how could I be the best for others that I care about?
I had to do some introspection. Who was I going to be – a person who just rushes around at 100 miles per hour to get people to like him? Or am I going to take the time to figure out who I am and truly love myself? However, I had to start the process by doing one important thing: I had to forgive myself.
I had always punished myself for anything that I did wrong. If I had failed a test, failed in a relationship or failed a friend, I would take it personally. I had to learn to let all that go.
I fell into a deep depression in the latter part of my sophomore year because I actually had to deal with these emotions I put off for so long, channeling it through doing more schoolwork.
Nevertheless, I decided to not dwell on these experiences, but to use them as learning opportunities in which I can better myself. Today, I am still putting this into practice and I am happy to say that I am seeing good returns on this investment.
To all my people pleasing individuals out there, just know this: as much as it is fun to be liked by virtually everyone, it is not possible.
At the end of the day, we have to look in the mirror and like the person we see looking back at us. It is a difficult thing to do, but in striving to do that, we get so much closer to becoming our true selves. And that is the most important thing in this life. By doing so, you will receive respect and admiration from individuals who truly embrace you for who you really are.
