Being a people-pleaser sucks. I am not talking about being selfless once or twice; no, I am talking about being a full-on people-pleaser.
I have always been extremely emotionally and situationally aware of other people. This is occasionally convenient, but it usually adds to my constant anxiety about helping others. I cannot merely communicate what I want in a situation; I will always try to make sure I am helping someone else before myself, which honestly is not great.
My first memory of being a people-pleaser is from third grade. I had some free time in class, so I started writing short stories in an empty stapled booklet. I wrote this long fictional story; I was really proud of my work and excited to show my parents that night.
At the end of the school day, I went up to one of my classmates to show her the book I had written, and she asked if she could take it home to read. Internally, I absolutely did not want her to take the book. I knew she would not bring it back. However, I obliged and allowed her to take the book home. I never saw it again.
Even though that instance is a minor example of being a people-pleaser, it stuck with me. Being so young and conscious of other people and their emotions that I made selfless decisions I ultimately did not want to was not a good habit to develop.
As I got into high school, the habit worsened. I started putting my feelings aside to make sure everyone else was satisfied before I was. It started reflecting on the friends I hung out with. I started feeling taken advantage of, but I could not stop for fear of being disliked.
My final straw as a people-pleaser occurred in the first semester of my senior year. I was slowly distancing myself from a friend I had known for years. This friend was known for being argumentative and very confrontational: someone I was scared of. They knew I would never outwardly confront them, but I was getting sick of how they treated me.
The relentless teasing and borderline harassment made school unbearable. I knew I had to change and stop losing my internal battle to put myself first. I finally decided to block them on everything, officially protecting my peace from a very toxic relationship.
Even though that may seem like a very minor resolution, I was ecstatic. It was my first time putting myself first and not trying to mend the friendship. After that moment, I attempted to care less about how people perceived me. I had to remind myself that not everyone will like me, no matter how hard I try, and that is okay.
I spent the summer before college focusing on myself and the people I loved. I wanted to go into college with the mindset that I am the most important person in my own life, no matter how difficult it was for me to conceptualize that idea.
I learned that putting myself first did not mean I was a bad person. It is okay to have boundaries, and if people don’t respect that, then I don’t want those people in my life.
I still consider myself a people-pleaser, but on a much smaller scale than before. I still subconsciously do things to appease people; however, I only tend to do that with smaller things such as deciding where my friends and I will eat for dinner. I have learned that it is okay to put myself first because, at the end of the day, I am the most important person in my life.
