I know a lot of people who are graduating soon, and others who are going to be seniors next fall. As someone planning to graduate in December 2025, it’s a bit weird hearing people talking about graduation or what’s due for their upcoming years.
I’m a senior in the sense that I’ve already gone through four years of college, but I still have a semester to go, and the thought of not seeing my current senior peers in the upcoming fall is strange. There is an odd feeling with the thought of not being there with current rising seniors next spring, like the sense that I’m going to miss out on something.
Yet, the future still feels uncertain. As of writing this, I’m not sure if I will be graduating in December. It’s not that I’m not on the right track; in fact, I’m essentially ready for graduation.
But the more I think about the future, the more I’m not sure what to expect. What to expect from other people, from my career and, most of all, what I want to do after graduation. The question my mom asked, “What do I want to be?” still doesn’t have an answer, or at least not one I’m confident in saying.
Part of me wishes I could stay here for another year, just to see other people around me graduate by my side. To have a proper send-off before we all go our ways after graduation in the spring. But there’s still that lingering fear of what comes next, regardless of when I graduate.
There are so many things going on in my life right now that are distracting me from thinking about the future. I have FUSE at the end of the month, final projects in classes taking shape, internship applications and interviews and all the fun things I want to do but have little time for.
Even writing this column is keeping me distracted. It’s hard to slow down when there are people who expect me to get these things done on time. To really think about what I want after all of this.
Honestly, the thing I would want the most is to be happy, but I haven’t created much of a plan behind that want. Even through the chaos we are facing currently, I still crave the simple things in life, like wanting to draw and create, enjoy my hobbies and just live.
I really don’t have an answer or a conclusion to finish this off. The best thing that is keeping me from breaking down is taking the occasional step back for a minute. Have the thing I’m working on simmer in the back of my mind. To work on something else or something similar may help me, though it does make me procrastinate… a lot. It also makes me feel very pessimistic about the things I’m overthinking about and whether they’re worth my time.
But another important thing that helps a lot is asking for help. For me, asking for help is one of the hardest things I face. I feel that there is a block in my mind that prevents me from asking for help in the first place. But after I get over that hurdle, everything feels much clearer, and I can focus on what’s been bothering me.
I’ve been considering getting help with the things that worry me the most. And I’ve been getting help on things that have subconsciously affected me negatively. Even if it’s just hosting something fun to distract myself for a moment. Time spent not worrying to death may lead to planning and moving forward.
Still, I just want to take a break eventually. When a lot of things are happening, it’s hard to know when it’s a good time to pause. But it will come eventually. Let’s hope that we can seize that moment and really stop and enjoy the small moments in life.
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