Note: This article is a part of the April Fools’ Day edition, The Scoop, and is not meant to be taken seriously.
When I lay my eyes upon the radiant Hilltop,
All my breath slows to a stop.
I survey the verdant lawns under the skies
That drop misty rain into my eyes.
Looking up, I see Westlake Tower
As it loudly calls out the hour.
9 a.m. — I’m late for class.
Once again, my ass is grass.
Bradley has no equivalents;
It’s true that mid-size makes a big difference.
The institution that’s built to beyond
With slogans of which we’re all fond.
Truly the best of all schools —
But wait, it’s April Fools.