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Lana rocks our world with Norman Rockwell

Fall is just around the corner, and Lana Del Ray’s latest album came just in time to transition us from hot girl summer into sad girl autumn. In the spirit of the season, here’s a list of the songs on the album and their “cryability” ranked from “no tears left to cry” to a sobbing mess.

“Norman F***ing Rockwell”

The song who lends this album its title, “Norman Rockwell” does not disappoint in its sadness factor. However, when compared to the rest of the album, this song evokes only a few tears. It has a comparable vibe and sad quality to “Million Dollar Man.”

“Mariner’s Apartment Complex”

My favorite on the album, “Mariner’s Apartment Complex” allows us to cry without giving us a reason. Lana’s use of metaphor and imagery in this song is so tasteful that I can’t encapsulate it in words. Lana also does what she does best in this song with her haunting melodies. This song will leave you cry-singing “’Cause even in the dark I feel your resistance” into your dorm mirror for hours. “Are you ready for it?”

“Venice B****”

Although this song does have an innately sad quality, it doesn’t really stick in my memory. It has a nice riff, but this song is, at most, a three-second casual cry. It’s also over nine minutes long, so there’s that.

“F*** it I love you”

This song isn’t necessarily sad; think moody coffee shop.

Doin’ Time”

If one song on this album received a radio remix, it would be this one. The lyrics are slightly sad, but the rhythm is too upbeat to cry to, at least for a Lana song.

“The Greatest”

I’m crying. You’re crying. We’re all crying. The greatest loss of them all is a song that reminisces about being on top of the world. If you haven’t already peaked, this song will leave you sad that you someday will. If you only have a year or two left in your college experience, this song is going to hit hard.

“Happiness is a Butterfly”

If you see the word “happiness” in a Lana song, know that it’s going to be anything but. This song will leave you “sitting in your sweatshirt, crying in the backseat.”

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