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Mormon moms for the drama against the patriarchy

Graphic by Audrey Garcia

“The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives” is a reality TV series based on the drama of a group of women composing what is known as MomTok. Yes, the ones that went viral on TikTok.

There’s no need to beat around the bush — this show is terrible. Yet, it appears millions of people across the country have watched every episode. What a way to spend a weekend.

The first and second episodes shine an inkling of hope. There was a chance that this show would be a good commentary on patriarchal societies and the effects girls experience from growing up in conservative communities.

Alas, this is reality TV we’re talking about.

While the primary focus of the show is the interpersonal drama between the cast, there is just enough reality to provoke genuine thoughts about these women and their attempts to lift up other women.

It starts with a simple conversation about taking a brand deal for sex toys and ends with narcissistic husbands controlling their wives.

In the sex toy segment, though, they forgo the drama and frame a meaningful conversation about the taboo of sex in their religion. There is even the notion that bodily autonomy isn’t something to be afraid of, but rather something to engage in and praise.

Again, that is overshadowed shortly by some problem in the group that changes the tone of the program.

The producer just can’t decide, because one episode later we’re shifted back into a serious commentary about the meaning of marriage and relationships. In 2024, women shouldn’t feel pressured to submit to their husbands, whether Mormon or not, and should have their own values, hobbies and interests outside of their relationships.

In the season one finale, this message is put to the test when a trip to Chippendale’s in Vegas sends two of the husbands into a frenzy, demanding their wives go home rather than enjoy a girls’ night out.

Sure, it’s more complicated than that, but when those men started displaying such a level of insecurity as to threaten their wives with divorce over a strip show, “The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives” should have cut the petty drama entirely and focused on the glaring issue.

But they didn’t. Instead, divorce-husband was set up to be the villain of the next season.

Rightfully so, of course, because being so evil as to say to your life partner that her goals and successes don’t matter. Then, you move her away from friends, family and the career that’s supporting your aspirations in Utah, so you can study to be a doctor in New York… disgusting.

That’s not what anyone is focusing on, though. Social media has been so obsessed with the cheating, Grindr allegations and the swinging that these larger messages and dangerous situations are overlooked, and that’s for the worse.

“The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives” would have made an incredible three-part series documenting the toxic expectations placed, now and in the past, upon the MomTok group, and how they understand that it needs to change. 

Unfortunately, those types of docuseries don’t garner the same attention. Without all the scandal and drama, it’s just not as interesting to the masses, regardless of the message.

The women in the group caught heat for their various mistakes on social media before the show, but the abusive men displayed on national television have flown right under the radar.

Maybe in a roundabout way, that’s the entire point. Everyone is so focused on the saints versus sinners infighting that the real villains can go unnoticed, much like in politics or pop culture.

Although this is reality TV we’re talking about, not a docuseries, so there’s nothing more than dollar signs in everyone’s eyes.

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