The following article is a part of our April Fool’s edition, The Scoop. The content of these stories is entirely fabricated and not to be taken seriously.
Last Thursday, the impossible was accomplished at Bradley Hall.
Anthony Blandall, a senior communications major, climbed the five flights of stairs up to the peak of Bradley Hall’s summit.
However, the feat was not simply a one-day event for Blandall. The achievement took years of intense training.
“I spent every spare minute I had on the Stairmaster at Markin,” Blandall said. “Building up the strength in my calves and quads was paramount for the success of this climb.”
Blandall started small. After graduating from the Stairmaster, he took to climbing one set of steps at a time in Bradley Hall.
Konan Rhalsa, a junior marketing major and a rock wall manager, helped Blandall prepare.
“Getting acclimated to the atmosphere on each level is really essential,” Rhalsa said. “You don’t want to get to the second floor and realize that you went too hard and wasted your oxygen. It’s life or death.”
Every stair counts when climbing up Bradley Hall, and one small slip could cost big time.
“There was one time where I was going for the next step and completely slipped. Those steps are so steep, and I messed up my shin really bad,” said Blandall.
Despite the perils of the climb, Blandall forged onwards. After four years of vigorous preparation, he felt like he was finally prepared to make the final ascent up those hellish stairs.
“I was nervous,” Blandall said. “I hired a Sherpa to come along with me for the first half of the ascent. I knew that if I died, I’d want someone to tell my family.”
Many have attempted the climb up Bradley Hall. However, none have succeeded. In the first 20 years of its existence, Bradley Hall claimed the lives of over 98 brave students. Since then, many have been too afraid to try climbing it. In the past 20 years, only five students have attempted the trek. Of those five students, three gave up, and two died from exhaustion.
“I’d like to dedicate my climb to all those unfortunate victims of the hall,” Blandall said. “May they never be forgotten.”
Blandall completed the climb in five hours and 43 minutes. When he made the final step, his friends and family, alongside reporters, were cheering exuberantly.
“We’re so proud of our baby,” Gina Blandall, Blandall’s mom, said. “I was terrified, but I knew that once he had set his mind to it, there was nothing stopping him.”
Indeed, Blandall’s feat will go down in Bradley and world history. However, his hike certainly won’t be the last. Many other students have a renewed interest in climbing the hall.
“I’m planning on trying to beat his time by this time next spring,” Wall said. “I’m aiming for the four-hour range.”
Blandall has certainly set an incredible precedent here at Bradley and reminisces about his ascent fondly.
“It was beautiful from the top,” Blandall said, glancing at the peak. “I could see all the trees and gorgeous cement. I will never forget it as long as I live.”