In prehistoric times, also known as the 90s, dinosaurs such as the Gameboy and Tamogotchi roamed the earth in search of AA batteries. While many toys shaped our childhoods in positive ways, others left a lingering sense of horror that make us say, “What were they thinking?”
One of the best selling toys of the decade was none other than the infamous Furby. Furbies were advertised as being your best friend, but were actually your biggest nightmare.
Furby is the most terrifying thing to hear in the middle of the night as it creaks out a demonic “come play with me” from your closet, even though you know you took the batteries out six years ago.
From time to time, we all reminisce about the little Hasbro monsters that haunt us to this very day. However, in reality, the 90s were a time before horror censors and parental guidance warnings.
Tickle Me Elmo
As far as terror goes, no list would be complete without Tickle Me Elmo. Just like its Gremlin counterpart, no one was ever truly able to turn it off. It was almost as if the power switches were universally broken, or not even put in at all.
Elmo’s soft red fur was useless in its attempt to make up for the hard, metal interior that made cuddling this fuzzy friend nearly impossible. We won’t even mention the deafening laughs that came from it if you even so much as looked in its general direction.
As a child as big as Tickle Me Elmo, my one true fear will forever be that giggling terror who taunted me with his jazzy hip movements and signature arm waves. There’s nothing I wouldn’t give to erase those memories.
Not much needs to be said about these guys.
Nothing says fun like a wailing doll that somehow is more potty-trained than the actual child playing with it. Baby Alive is a brand that has sustained a steady market even today, despite the failures of some of its rivals.
The dolls have captivated children all across America with the idea that taking care of a living baby is more exciting than it actually is. Although, the toy is part of the “If You Walk By Me, I Will Make Noise” aisle in the store, it has created excellent babysitters, who have now all been replaced by an iPad or an Xbox.
SnackTime Cabbage Patch Kid
Finally, one of the more fearsome toys of the decade, especially for people with long hair, was the SnackTime Cabbage Patch Kid.
As the doll munched and chewed on its “snacks,” children would be overwhelmed with curiosity and a desperate need to put anything they could find into the Cabbage Patch’s mouth. Crayons, markers and fingers would become the casualties of these garbage-disposable-mouths, never to be the same again.
As we’ve grown up, our childhood toy traumas have kept their places in the back of our minds. From terrifying laughter to the fears of parenthood, the 90s have continued to haunt us. Someday, if we are lucky enough, we will finally be able to truly forget the toys of the 90s.