Everyone’s definition of everything differs from person to person. My everything is different than the guy next to me’s everything and same with the girl next to him. When does one eventually reach “everything?” Is one ever really done getting “everything?”
I am a fifth year college senior getting an education from a great school. Is that everything when it comes to school? No. I sometimes feel lost in school because of my learning disabilities and feel drowned by the overwhelming amount of knowledge coming from my peers. Oh, and my peers!
My peers or friends? I have 1,417 friends on Facebook and another 1,268 following me on Instagram, but at times I couldn’t feel more alone. How many of those 1,000 plus are there for me when I need something or are they just there when it’s convenient for them? In all honesty I am not there for 80 percent of them and am only there when it’s convenient for me for at least 15 percent. The other 5 percent are probably my close friends who I would like to think I am there for, but when was the last time I told them?
At home I have everything. A two story house, a basement and my own room. A dog, three horses and two goats. Parents who aren’t separated but have been going to marriage counseling because at times they just aren’t ‘feeling it’ anymore.
An older sister I talk to less than a few times a year because of some issues we had growing up that we didn’t quite grow out of. A little brother who chooses to remain distant from all of us as much as possible. Another younger brother who chose to remain so distant that he went to college in another country. I am sure other people have it worse than I do though, so I shouldn’t complain.
On the outside I probably look like I have everything. Nice clothes, a lot of shoes, an iPhone, a Macbook. Decent hair, and a cute smile that hides my clinical depression I have had since I was a kid. A chin held high as a blanket to hide my crippling insecurities. ADHD making it impossible for me to sit still or pay attention for a long time in class. Bipolar disorder, so I can snap on the people closest to me when they do something that slightly rubs me the wrong way.
Anxiety so I can stay up all night worrying about something that probably won’t happen, but I am convinced of anyway. Ears that hear people talking about how everyone is diagnosed with these false mental illnesses because we are weak, or something of the sort. Little do they know the actual reasons.
So, what is everything? At times I feel I have everything. I love my friends and family. I love where I work. I have all the basic necessities of life, but I constantly complain about stupid, pointless things in my life. Trust me, I know I have it better than most people and that God provides me with everything I need, so why do I want more?
As Chance the Rapper once said in his song, “The Man Who Has Everything:” “Like my Papa ask the same question every year. What to get for my boy who has everything? I said, I’ll take anything but everything, you know.”
At a time when who we really are is best hidden, you refuse to be anything but honest. How forthright. How inspiring.