As a 5-foot-2-inch girl who wears all black, leather and screws as earrings, I’ve been described as intimidating as hell.
However, I was intimidated as hell when a boy from my senior year art class asked me what exact color I dyed my hair so he could make his girlfriend look like me. And the time I found out he asked mutual friends of ours to record conversations they had with me. And when he figured out my address and was planning on showing up to my graduation party uninvited.
I expressed my discomfort to him multiple times. I avoided direct and unnecessary contact with him as much as I could. I even refused to work with him.
And despite all of that, he still did not understand why I didn’t want to be around him.
So what did I do wrong?
For as long as I can remember, I have always been taught to practice “stranger danger.”
Don’t talk to people you don’t know. Never take candy from strangers. And don’t ever get into a stranger’s car.
However, contrary to that point, I’ve worked multiple jobs in customer service talking to people I’ve never met before, Halloween is still socially acceptable and there are now apps used exclusively for getting into random people’s cars.
So why am I only told to be careful after yet another woman disappears?
Recently, Netflix became home to the Lifetime series “You,” the story of a young, beautiful writer, Beck (Elizabeth Lail), dating her own stalker, Joe (Penn Badgley). The show is packed with moments that keep you on the edge of your seat mixed with murder, secrets and confused intentions.
But it’s all in the name of love, isn’t it?
After I first watched “You,” my friend and I discussed how stupid Beck was. After refusing to put curtains on the windows of her ground floor apartment, failing to have passcodes on her devices and dating a random guy from a bookshop without a sliver of research, she opened the door to getting stalked.
Right?
Or maybe, that’s just what I’ve been taught to think.
Our society has normalized stalking. But we also haven’t corrected it.
After years and years of romantic movies with plots driven by light stalking and a “nice guys finish last” mentality, the line between cute and creepy has been significantly blurred.
Love stories insist that a perfect relationship can only occur during a “meet cute.”
We’ve all dreamed of meeting a super cute bookstore manager with a passion for the classics and speaks to our love of literature.
Unfortunately, that exact meeting didn’t work out so well for Beck.
But as I was watching “You” and shaking my head at her mistakes, I realized that it was never her fault.
Yes, she should have done a few things differently, but that did not give Joe the right to look in her windows, follow her, steal her phone and kill anyone who cared about her.
At least, Joe seemingly loved her as long as she was convenient. He wanted her to excel in her writing, so he kept her away from her friends. He tried to protect her from people that could hurt her, so he got rid of them.
But it was us who masqueraded these vile behaviors as chivalry and romantic gestures.
If the roles were reversed, “You” would no longer be a thriller. It would be a romantic comedy.
Regardless, stalkerish behavior is inexcusable. It crosses boundaries and takes away people’s dignity.
If someone says no, they mean no. Do not try to demean them or “change their mind.” Accept it and move on.
Rejection sucks, but restraining orders are way worse!
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Every year, we publish a Valentine’s Day edition of our Voice section in order to bring the spirit of love to campus. We’re excited to bring you a number of articles (some serious, some satirical) dedicated to sex, relationships, the history of Valentine’s Day and more.
Should you plan to celebrate this day of romance with someone, be sure to stay safe and practice healthy sexual habits – and if you’re planning on cuddling up alone or with friends to watch movies and eat discount chocolates, that works perfectly, too. Whatever you decide to do, be sure to have fun.
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