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Which one is harder in LGBTQ dating

This article is part of the Voyeur 2020 💕

LGBTQ relationships are harder than opposite gender dating. Period. But for the sake of this one-on-one, Jade Sewell and Tony Xu will make their cases for whether the dating scene is tougher for lesbians or gays. This is not to discount the challenges that other groups in the LGBTQ community are facing, but simply because two of us don’t have the perspectives that are required to make the case for other groups in the community.

Dating women is harder


Women are beautiful. I seriously cannot believe that there are so many gorgeous women on this planet. That being said, dating them is nearly impossible.

I’ve gone on several dates. At least I think they were dates? They were dates, yeah. But maybe they thought it was just an “as friends” thing?

One of the biggest struggles of dating women is the uncertainty that follows. My junior year of high school, I went on a series of dates with a girl who I was absolutely smitten with. But the thing is, we never did anything romantic. We never kissed, held hands or even confessed our feelings to each other. We were basically just two friends hanging out.

Six months later, the girl messaged me and told me that she had feelings for me the whole time but didn’t want to make it weird by asking if our hang outs were dates or not.

I was in the exact same boat.

In my experiences, most gay women are too afraid of confrontation to ask other women out, so the aforementioned scenario gets dragged out for months or even years.

You might ask: Wouldn’t Tinder work?

And the answer is: I have yet to follow through on a gay Tinder date, nor do I know any woman who has. Tinder is a weird dating app if you’re gay, and it rarely works out. The longest conversation I’ve carried out on the app lasted seven messages before going nowhere.

If you’re just looking for a hook-up. HA! Good luck. Unless you’re willing to go out with that one couple—who has like three profiles on the app—you’re straight out of luck.

If even a simple date proves unfruitful, how are you going to solicit someone for sex?

Other lesbian dating apps like “Her” aren’t user-friendly. At least guys have Grindr. Really, what do girls have?

Dating men is harder


I agree that it is easier for gay guys to find “Netflix and chill” friends. And if that’s what you want, great. But if you are trying to find a serious relationship, it might be a little more challenging.

First and foremost, the thirst. Many guys are “dehydrated.” When there’s less focus on intellectual connection, the relationship becomes fragile and short-lived. There are few couples who get together after the “Netflix and chill” trials.

That being said, one’s physical appearance has become the most important prerequisite for a relationship. It is no secret that we humans have a long history of judging people based on physical appearance, but when you have a very limited pool of selections, the competition is fierce.

The LGBTQ population in the U.S. are generally less than 5 percent of the total population, according to a Gallup report in 2018. Assuming part of this data is underreported, and after eliminating the lesbian population, I doubt that the total gay or bisexual population surpasses 10 percent. That is significantly fewer options for gays when compared to straight folks.

Plus, you better have a great “gay-dar.” Gays also use various social or behavioral cues to subtly hint their sexual orientations. But gay-dar is not always accurate. Once in a while your gay-dar will go off on someone who’s completely straight. If you catch feelings and fall for the guy, wig!

Guys, in general, are less confrontational with other dudes. I’m sure you’ve witnessed or even experienced guys catcalling girls, but you rarely hear a guy complementing (it doesn’t have to be sexual) another guy. Even if they do, they will always make sure they add “no homo, though.”

If you have read Carson Allen’s “baseball” story, you would understand that there is a “pitcher” and a “catcher” in the relationship. It is another challenge to determine who plays which roles.

Some people play more than one role and we also have some people that don’t believe in these roles. There certainly have been incidences where I went on dates with someone and realized we both played the same role.

Dating apps don’t really solve the problem, either. There’s only a handful of gays or bisexuals in the area who are open about their sexuality and seeking a relationship, and you will get to know all of them by name within your first few weeks on campus.

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