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Column: Learning to live with my struggles

Davis Kinch in Kansas City, Missouri. Photo via Davis Kinch.

TRIGGER WARNING: This article mentions subjects such as depression, anxiety, and suicidal ideations that may be sensitive to certain individuals.

I have yet to talk about this experience to many people outside of friends and family, but I have gained the courage to now do so and hope my story can help others. 

I started experiencing feelings of anxiety and depression while I was in middle school. 

Despite this, I didn’t come forward about it. I didn’t want people to see me as weak or think of me differently because of it. 

It also didn’t help that my depression was recurrent, meaning I’d experience some periods where I felt better and thought all was well. 

Let’s fast forward a bit to high school. Oh boy. 

Freshman year was fairly uneventful – aside from the pandemic – but sophomore and junior year would be when my anxiety and depression not only recurred, but increased in severity.

Sophomore year rolled around, the pandemic was still going on, and I was still pretty much isolated from doing a lot of things due to quarantine. My depression and anxiety came back. This time, it was worse. 

I started having suicidal ideations this time around, but I finally came forward to family and friends, who were supportive and willing to help. 

But just as I was about to get help, quarantine regulations were being lifted. I started feeling better knowing that I could do the things I love most, so I thought all was well and saw no need for it.

This mindset proved to do me more harm than good, and sometimes I wish I still got help regardless. 

We’ve now reached the peak of my battle: junior year of high school. The first couple of months went by, and nothing happened. Then we approached the new year 2022, and I started seeing my anxiety and depression once again, and this time, they came back harder than ever. 

During this time, I lost all motivation to do just about everything. I even wished I wouldn’t wake up and dropped a concerning amount of weight. 

Upon seeing my state at that time and hearing the things I was telling them, my friends told me to come forward to my parents once again, which I did.

In coming forward, I was able to get the help I needed. I finally had a therapist to speak to, got the chance to meet with a psychiatrist and started having some hope. 

Now here I am today: a junior in college, feeling better than ever, heavily involved on campus, and with a lot of goals I hope to achieve. I have never been more motivated or so full of life than I am currently. 

I’ve achieved a few things ever since this time in my life, but my proudest one is becoming okay with not being okay, something the old me couldn’t. 

This is my story, and it’s only going to get better from here. 

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