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The art of the house party

You can hear music the second the safety cruiser drops you off, the faint melody of Bluefaces’ lyrical masterpiece, “Thotiana” graces the air. Your shoes click up the porch steps and you step inside in the house; You have no idea who owns it.

You take off your jacket and drop it on what might have once been a chair but is now an overwhelming pile of leather and fleece.

1. Don’t leave anything you care about in your coat pockets. If the coat holds some sort of sentimental value to you, you probably shouldn’t be wearing it while drinking Natty Light, and should be especially wary of where you leave it.

2. Also, there’s nothing worse than a “Hey I think I might’ve left my [insert item here] at your house yesterday can you check?” text in the morning.

You head into the kitchen for a drink.

3. If you are hoping to score free booze, (no shame, we all do it) get there before 11:30 p.m. If you’re walking into the Queen’s house, you could expect a fountain of jungle juice and Jell-O shots as far as the eye can see. Unfortunately, this is not the case. You’re most likely in the house of a college student who, like yourself, is on a budget. Get there on the earlier side of the pregame to ensure that there is still juice left in the jungle.

You’re drinking, playing beer pong and bonding with strangers you recognize from class knowing Monday morning is going to come up real quick. Suddenly, you realize you need to use the bathroom … like, now.

4. House party bathroom etiquette is standard; Don’t take forever, even if your whole squad is in there with you. Also, for the love of all that is good in the world, if you need to throwup, you better make it to the toilet.

The playlist makes its way around, and Ubers are starting to arrive; It’s time for the next location.

5. Read the room. If you’re the last one there and aren’t waiting for your Uber, you are trash. The host of the party either wants to pass out or make their next move. Call the Uber as the party starts to die down, not when things are already dead.

There you have it. A house party can be exactly what you’re looking for as a pregame or whatever your college heart desires, as long as it’s done the right way. They key is making sure you’re leaving there with everything you brought. Get in and get out. Remember, usually the house party is part of your journey, not the final destination.

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