Although the weather may not lead you to believe it, #dartyszn is upon us.
Does drinking all day eliminate drinking all night? Am I an alcoholic because I’d probably say “No?” Don’t answer that.
It isn’t hard to figure out where the darties are, just follow the hypnotic xylophone beat featured in “Big Bank” blasting from someone’s yard. You’ll know you’re there when you see a colorful bunch of youths jumbled together on someone’s porch.
Darties smell like the zoo, they look like a “Harlem Shake” video, and they last forever. You could get to a darty ready to go at 11 a.m. and the party will not even have peaked by 1 p.m.
You’ll look around and see visors, fanny packs, sunglasses and Hawaiian shirts; the crazier your outfit is, the better. Don’t stress about looking nice or wearing anything you care about, everyone knows the cherry on top accessory for any outfit is a bright red solo cup.
Normally, the darty doesn’t stop at the first house. You’ll get there, toss a few bags, flip a few cups and before you know it you’re in the middle of a pre-school style buddy-system line making your way down the sidewalk to the next stop on the route.
Someone’s laying on the roof, someone is passed out on the couch and unfortunately someone is probably raiding the fridge for something that tastes a little stronger or a snack.
Be careful. Know that after a few hours in the sun you should probably give your phone to someone more aware of your emotions than you are. Day parties are all fun and games until you pass out and send a “You up?” text at 8 p.m.
House after house can be exhausting; mix in the sun, alcohol, and energy required to participate in human interaction? Forget about it. When you get home, order yourself a pizza, take off your mud-stained sneakers and lay on the floor. You’ve earned it.